Saturday, October 9, 2010

Blue Bird

What does it sound like, when the bird stops singing?
A silent looming cloud
A gentle gleaming crowd
Of watching eyes
And painful sighs
For all the sounds of forgotten times

From up above, the birds on strike
Will hold their breath and wait
Not a note from one windpipe
Will ring for us to take
To mush and meld and bend and break
We ruin all the sound
The simple chirp from a chickadee,
The sound from when I wake

We take these notes, and make our songs
All of you the same
The notes from birds
Sung for years
Copy written tears

We pay for music, that’s all around us
Babbling brooks and streams
The little things you seem to miss
When days are filled with dreams

But dream of this when sounds are gone
And all you have is noise
A silent world, with no more love
From a bluebird, jay or dove.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

For you


I watch you fall
And I’m sorry.
I want to be that someone you lean on
That person you seek when tears leak from your eyes
Like pipes in a forgotten home
Like rain in a rusty gutter
Pouring from red eyes, covering your body.

My shoulders are bending
The weight from your decisions
I want to be that person
Holding up the world
Not bending and breaking
Like that old forgotten bridge
With ivy on my skin
Creeping up my body, covering my face.

Would you smile if you saw me?
Falling away at the seems
Would you laugh if I laid down?
And let the ivy spread on the ground
Over the feet of too many people
I capture them in my trap
My trap
I hold them like flies

I want to be that person
You love
I want to be that person
In my fly trap
Caught in my ivy

Metal


Metal, cold against my skin
Onto this cold lifeless metal
I hold, afraid I’ll fall away.
Drifting through purple sky’s
With green grass below
And rainbow wings to fly

As this cold metal pulls me down
Stretching my body
Flat and shiny I become cold and lifeless
I break away from the metal
At last I reform
My body loosens
Becoming warm
Realizing to late; without my metal I fall faster.

Gaining speed I cling to purple sky
Grasp as dissolving rainbow wings
And smash like glass on the warm and wet grass
I am powder now
Swept up in the wind,
To land on cold shiny metal.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Light


My eyes flutter open,
The sun peers down at me
I close them.
I feel the warmth prying
Seeping through my eyes lashes
Every second I struggle with this
Mounting
Ominous
Feeling
No matter where I run,
My skin will be touched
By light.

Hate

I hate the way you hold yourself
Like the world is pinning you down
Like every step you take
With your black shoes
Is a step too far

I hate the way you hold things
Like they mean more than me
Like the fragile necessities are your drugs
Your anti-depressant
Your life line to a “happier you”

I hate the way you say “that’s excellent”
When you mean you don’t care
Like when I dance in circles around you
Curtsying, jumping, out of breath
Exhausted
Only to find you weren’t watching.

Invisible.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tides


“Tides are the rise and fall of sea levels caused by the combined effects of the gravitational forces exerted by the Moon and the Sun and the rotation of the Earth.”
            “Nana, are you ready?” I say this quietly so I wont startle her and bend down so she knows I am talking to her.
            “I guess so,” she mumbles in a defeated unenthused voice, I know exactly how she feels. I bend down farther and gently place my hands on each side of her tiny waist. She doesn’t look up at me; she just hangs her head and waits.
            “One, two, three,” I say loudly this time and hoist her out of the wooden rocking chair, it takes a few lonely swings back and forth as though trying to convince her to sit back down. I hold on to her arm, a support for both of us. My mom hurries out onto the porch, my grandpa in tow.
            “Stay close to Poppy,” I feel my mom’s breath warm and frenzied on my ear as she whispers his to me. I walk slowly over to stand next to my grandpa picking up a glass of water to make my change in position look casual.
              “While tides are usually the largest source of short-term sea-level fluctuations, sea-levels are also subject to forces such as wind and barometric pressure changes resulting in storm surges, especially in shallow sea and near coasts.”
            My mom takes my grandma’s arm and begins leading he down the steep narrow stairs. Next goes my grandpa, and I follow behind him, never touching. He hobbles down each step slowly and when he reaches the bottom, he bends down to rest his withered hands on his knees and catch his breath. His breathing comes in long gasps and he waits a while before straightening up again. He turns to my grandma and says lightly “You ready?”
            She replies with a nod, and we all start to walk again in the same order, my mom and her mothering front followed by my grandpa and finally, me.
            “The sun exerts a less powerful gravitational attraction on the Earth, which results in a secondary tidal effect. When the Earth, Moon and Sun are approximately   aligned these two tidal effects reinforce one another (resulting in higher highs and lower lows).
            Were sitting on the wooden boardwalk now, waiting for my grandparents to catch their breath and rest. They sit side by side in big wooden chairs that have been there forever. My mom pulls out a bottle of sunscreen and begins to apply it liberally to her mother’s face.
            “You missed some spots,” I say, trying not to laugh because I’m not sure if it’s funny. She looks around and sees that I’m right; there are globs un-rubbed-in sunscreen all over her thin wrinkled skin.
“You look like a ghost, mom,” she laughs and in a moment of complete realness and presence, my grandma turns to her husband of 54 years and says “Boo!”
            He looks at her for a moment, and then begins to laugh heartily. We all laugh for what seems like forever, and then it’s over.
            “On the opposite side of the Earth, the water is at it’s farthest from the moon, so it is pulled less; at this point, the Earth moves more toward the Moon than the water does, causing that water to rise as well.
            “Did we already go for a walk?”
            “No dad, we were just about to,” my mom answers him with tired enthusiasm. We all start to get up and move in the same procession towards the steps down to the beach.
            My mom walks my grandma down to the sand first, and for a moment she stumbles and I feel helpless. She manages to get her balance back and stands to the side so my grandpa can make his way down. I hold my breath as I walk behind him, flinching every time he looks unstable. He makes it down and my mom and I both let our breath out simultaneously.
            They walk along the beach at a slow pace, my mom and her parents. I walk behind them, just in case.

Obsessions

You know that stuff on the end of the pencil, right after you sharpen it?
 That prickly wooden fuzz, that disgusting stabbing ick.
 Know that stuff? I hate it.
 I hate the way it rubs along my fingers as I try to write my essays.
 I hate the way it crunches drily into the cracks of my fingers.

You know how when you’re walking down the sidewalk
And you step on a crack you just have to step on another on?
And not just step on it; plant your opposite foot, in the same place,
On the next crack.
I hate the way it never works, the way your brain is screaming
Not right, not right, not right!
I hate that I am forced to waddle down he sidewalk like an
asylum escapee,
Tripping over myself.
Crack, crack crack!

            You know when you have that favorite number
And if things aren’t done in multiples of it,
Your skin crawls right off your body? I Hate that.
I hate the way I press the skip button three times on my iPod
And have to press it again, even if I want to listen to that song.
How my boyfriend knows to kiss me four times if it’s more than one,
And eight if it’s more that four.

You know when your windshield wipers are going
And you can’t turn them off
Because there’s that one drop of water,
Stuck to the window?
I hate how I drive under a tree
And that one drop of water splashes
And explodes then gathers itself up again
Into a giant bubble of annoyance.

You know when you can’t sleep
Because the blankets aren’t perfect
And you twitch and turn
And flip and flop
And nothing ever works?
I hate that.
I hate how I end up throwing them off of me,
Falling asleep with my eyes stinging, shivering.

You know how when your OCD fires up
Everything is twice as hard?
Wait. You don’t’?